uber lulz

Facebook is cruel. If you read my complaint about Facebook, you already know I don't like it. What makes it worse is that if anyone contacts you using Facebook, there is no escaping touching the site. Sure sure, they'll send you an emailing telling you that someone PM'd you... or "wrote something on your wall". But it will not let you in on the secret unless you log in to the site. That's just stupid. They could just as easily send you the message posted or PM'd to your email. But no, instead, you have to log on to your Facebook account just to read a useless PM that says: Come to my birthday party! ....... in New York!.... No thank you. You waisted my precious time. Wait wait, backtrack a bit. What exactly is a "wall". Why do you want someone writing on your "wall". Isn't that called vandalism in some states? It's more like "someone has graffiti'd your wall". Because graffiti is sometimes good, but mostly useless. "Happy birthday!" I would never have known it was your birthday today, but oh well!
Authors note: Facebook is a source of lulz.

What do you spend the most time touching in a day? Aside from your bed. And get your mind out of the gutter, kthx. For me: computer keyboard. I was just thinking, I spend a big amount of time in front of the computer, and for most of that time, my hands are on a keyboard. So anyway, I'd like to discuss the four different types of keyboards (maybe even five) that exist in my mind. Ok, so my two favorite types of keyboards are the classic really really old ones. And the ones that are like the ones on laptops.

I. The Really Really Old IBM Keyboards
The picture I found from Google Image Search summed it up the best. The image name was: ibm-clicky_keyboard.jpg If you've ever had the enjoyment of using one of these keyboards, that filename about describes it perfectly. I love those keyboards so much that I wish I had one right now. It feels so good to type on it; not only is there tactile feedback because of the distance the keys have to travel to be pressed, but there's also auditory feedback. The satisfying *click*click*click* as the smooth plastic keys hit the board really says "I'm typing, and I'm cool". Maybe I'm just weird, but I love the feel of these keyboards.

II. Laptop keyboards and the like
These keyboards are fun to type on because they are speed demons. Not quite as satisfying as the old IBM keyboards because sometimes you're unsure of whether you really typed something or not. But the fact that they're soft is fun. Seems kind of counter-intuitive that my two favorite types of keyboards are on opposite sides of the spectrum in regards to button depth, but oh well.

III. Generic Keyboards
These are the kind you get for $5 at Wal-Mart or something. They don't look fancy, they don't have any fancy buttons, they just type. But you know what? They do the job, and I commend them for that. Despite being generic, at least they don't malfunction (that often). You know what? I bought a generic-keyboard to play o2jam. Do you want to know why? My old multimedia keyboard didn't have n-key support. Meaning, I couldn't press all 7 buttons at the same time. It would just say, "No, screw you, you're not really pressing 7 buttons, you just think you are. Therefore, I am better than you and will not send the computer those keystrokes." My generic keyboard, however, isn't that smart. It simply did as it was told. (Okay not really, but I like to make up things).

IV. Natural Keyboards
I like to think of them as very unnatural. For a true-to-the-definition touch typist, maybe the keyboard is natural; however, for me, someone who was influenced by computers since I was a wee little kid (I think I have a picture of toddler-me crawling around a 286 somewhere), I learned how to type by doing what felt right. It was only after I was comfortable with a keyboard that I used typing programs. But even then, it was only to see how fast I could type and not necessarily the "correct" hand position. So anyway, these natural keyboards annoy me as I attempt to push the letter 'b' with my right hand.

V. The Keyboard That Really Isn't There At All
I've never actually seen this one in person, nor do I know if it even exists. But I don't think I'd like this type of keyboard. I mean, have you ever tried to type without a keyboard in front of you? The physical feeling of the buttons is what aids you in moving from one letter to the next right? Try just typing on your desk in front of you. At first you think you're doing fine, but I don't think that it would be as easy if you were actually trying to type something. Who knows, this keyboard could be ultra-sweet! It sure does look like it. But looks are deceiving, because IBM keyboards look old, but despite this, they're really cool.

Speaking of imaginary things... how about them hand-brakes in a car. You know, those things you pull to keep your car from rolling downhill? Aren't they also called emergency brakes? e-brakes, hand-brakes, park-breaks, etc... Anyway, I think they are mislabeled. It's a cause-and-effect misnomer actually. You see, emergency gives rise to panic. I think these brakes should be called panic brakes. Why, you ask? Have you ever driven off with the parking brake on? There are only two possible reactions when you do this:
Hmm, my car is acting oddly today. It accelerates just a little slower than normal.
or
What's that smell?
There is never the realization that, Oh my word, my parking brake is on! Because you *don't notice its effect at all*. Maybe it can be labeled correctly as a parking brake since you do put it on when you park. HOWEVER. It should not be called an emergency brake. Emergency brake implies that you should use it in emergencies - you know, when your normal brakes fail. That would be all and dandy IF IT WORKED. But you see, it doesn't work. I don't know why, maybe I've ridden in only old beat up cars, but I'm sure you've had experiences similar to what I'm saying.
My ride and I were in the his car and his brakes have been acting up so he decided to test out the e-brake as we were parking in front of the house. Alright, let's do this. *pull* .............. "Dude I think I just sped up when I put that brake on."
This is why emergency brakes should be renamed to panic brakes. In the event of an emergency, you reach for your emergency brake. But you fail to remember that it is no longer an emergency brake. The moment you pull that "e-brake" you realize your mistake. You just pulled the panic brake. Time to panic: it didn't slow you down.

Here's to hoping your e-brake is truly a brake for emergencies. Enjoy life!