Welcome to home stretch of the year! Just a little bit more to go until Presents Day! I mean Christmas Day. I just looked at my post count and observed that I posted more last year than this year. And this blog was only started halfway through last year! Sad. So sad. Then I realized that I've had this layout for about a year now. I guess that means you all should be looking forward to a new layout around the New Year. I don't have a single clue what the theme will be this time though. Suggestions?
So my post a few days ago about fast food got me thinking about eating hamburgers. And so in the spirit of this comic [Sorry I don't know who to credit] I shall now talk about methods of eating a sandwich/burger. So I'll let you collect your thoughts a moment; how do you eat a sandwich? To be more precise, in what order and in what way do you bite the burger?
I shall now present two possible ways of eating a sandwich. I'm not sure if there are more ways, but these two seem to be the most obvious to me. I shall also present the pros and cons of both methods. Unfortunately, I do not know of a perfect way of eating a sandwich to eliminate all cons. If you know of a way, I would be very much interested!
To be consistent, I will propose that the sub/sandwich/burger of interest shall be a round hamburger. (Why it's called a hamburger when there is no ham is something I still have not looked into.) The shape of the food item does not affect these techniques, however. But just so that we're all on the same page here, imagine, if you will, a round hamburger and not a square sandwich.
TECHNIQUE NUMERO UN
- Olde Fashioned War -
This method is where one eats in a linear fashion. To describe the stages of hamburger consumption:
Stage 0: Hamburger untouched.
Stage 1: A few bites have been incurred.
Stage 2: An approximately half-circle shaped hamburger remains.
Stage 3: The hamburger begins to take the shape of a half moon.
Stage 4: Very little, and soon, no hamburger remains. Straightfoward-eating-jutsu success.
TECHNIQUE NUMBER NI
- Guerilla Flanking -
This method is where one eats the burger around the edges, closing in on the meaty center for the final kill.
Stage 0: Hamburger untouched.
Stage 1: Begin trimming away outside perimeter.
Stage 2: Continue to do so until only the meatiest center remains.
Stage 3: Devour the remainder.
I just noticed that I zero-indexed the Stages. *sigh So anyway, those are the two approaches that I've come up with in my mind. I tend to prefer the second method. I guess you could say I'm the kind of person who likes to save the best for last. Now I shall present the pros and cons of these two approaches.
Technique 1 suffers from a lack of a satisfying finish. It is possible for you to finish off your sandwich with only bread left. I find this very unsatisfying. A sandwich is supposed to be meat encapsulated by bread and therefore meat should be the main event of the sandwich. Having no main event left at the end of the meal is poor planning.
Technique 2 alleviates this negative aspect of Technique 1. By first eliminating the possibility of ending up with nothing but bread, the center of the sandwich/sub/burger is left with the most ingredients in one place. (Unless people place their condiments in a circle around the center of their sandwich [but that's just traitorous]) However! in the act of alleviating the prior dissatisfaction, a new issue arises! The very fact that the center of a hamburger is the most dense in terms of collective ingredients, the issue become of how to neatly dispose of the final bite. Oftentimes the meat starts sliding around and the lettuce and the tomato and the pickles start to get out of alignment with the bread pieces.
That is to say: there is no longer sufficient bread to control the movement of the main event. It becomes difficult and can become very messy when dealing with large burgers that have all sorts of yummies placed in them.
There is a method I've devised to try to compensate, but it is far from perfect. Instead of eating from the normal orientation (bread on top and bottom). The final morsel should be rotated so that the pieces of bread become walls to the meat instead of floor and ceiling. This sometimes helps with keeping the innards from shooting out when one bites into the final moments of hamburger.
There you have it. This has been my opinion and musings about methods of eating a hamburger. Stay tuned, for in next episode, entitled "Apples", I shall discuss the approaches of eating an apple.
Yeah maybe not. But I would argue that the same two techniques could be translated into Apple Skills. Eating a full circle around the apple? or eating entire sides of the apple... anyway, I'm starting to get hungry.
Until next time! Enjoy food! And life! Because both are of utmost importance!
!
